Get Some Therapy

My therapist tried to break up with me today.
This makes two break-ups in two months for me gang.
I'm beginning to think that there might be something deeper going on here.
Perhaps I am secreting some sort of reverse pheromone that instantly repels anyone within ten feet. If any of you at the stage door get the urge to suddenly flee when you see me coming please let me know. My doctor may have some sort of cream or ointment he could prescribe.

Anyway today my therapist (and YES I am in therapy so you can all save the comments telling me to go.) has not been pleased with my attendance record lately. I have been skipping out on sessions frequently. And I think the reason for this should be fairly obvious to all of my regular readers. Clearly I am now well-balanced, emotionally stable, and no longer in need of psychological aid.


Ahem.


Anyone buy that?
Yeah, I didn't think so.

The hard truth is that sometimes it's just scary for ME to show up and face ME. I am one of those people who believes that everyone could use a little therapy. I mean can you think of any problems in the world that could be made worse by discussing them?
One of the reasons why I like Obama so much is that he (gasp!) said that he would be willing to meet with the leaders of North Korea and Iran. I love that conservatives were upset by this! Because we all know that the easiest way to solve a problem is to not talk about it. HELLO!

So I go to therapy, when I actually go, to check in with myself.
And to tell you the truth that's been really tough for me to do lately.

I have a friend, another actor who said to me recently, "I've always been really good at being funny, but not so good at being me." A better epithet for my tombstone I have yet to find.

Good actors are great liars, wonderful storytellers, and terrible realists.

I could give you Nina from The Seagull one minute: broken, lost, proud, tormented. And then a minute later Nora from A Doll's House: anxious, doting, awakened, defiant. But ask me to play Frances...and that's when I start to run into problems.

Sanford Meisner said, "Acting is the ability to live truthfully under imaginary circumstances."
This has always been my favorite definition of what I do for a living. If there is no truth on stage or on screen then there is no art. Nothing is more painful to me than bad acting...NOTHING! I can't even get enjoyment out of watching good old-fashioned American porn! I can't get past the wooden line readings delivered by the failed models and aspiring graduates. The Detective (Well CLEARLY, since he's wearing a trench coat and a fedora!) blankly staring at the bimbo femme fatale, and uttering some monotone drivel like, "I may...have to...initiate...a...DEEP...investigation...into...this case...sweetheart."

Horror show people.

I've gotten more turned on watching NOVA.

What real actors do, or what we hope to do if we are getting it right, is to make the audience feel that there is no acting going on at all. That what you are seeing is happening in this moment and only in this moment. "Aye there's the rub!"

When you watch The Godfather you shouldn't be spending your time thinking about Marlon Brando, and whether or not he stuffed his cheeks with cotton to look that way. If Brando did his job (And man did he ever!) you are fully immersed in the world of Don Corleone. Brando is gone and all you can think about is whether the Don is going to send Luca Brazzi to sleep with the fishes. The actor disappears and all you are left with is the character, and the circumstances that surround him in the world that has been created.

When you bring truth to what is in reality fiction you can create entire worlds of possibility. Suddenly we can be in 19th century Russia on a country estate, or just as easily in a Norwegian Parlor with Torvald and Nora. Or we can be excruciatingly bored watching incompetent performers stumble their way through time and space.

It drives me insane when I hear some idiot like Nicole Richie say that they have suddenly decided to pursue acting; As if it were just some lark you could take up one day like needlepoint, or in Nicole's case, motherhood.

I have always been an actor. It is what I knew that I was going to do even before I was aware that I had any talent. I am very fortunate in that way; that I always knew what I was meant to do.

The problem for me friends came when I had to stop acting. I know that might sound ridiculous to some of you, and I want to assure you all that I have not been diagnosed with a multiple personality disorder...yet. But when you spend your life pretending to be other people, it's not always so easy to figure out who you are.

And that is why I will continue to see my therapist. So I can get to the bottom of Frances. I think however that I may need to start showing up for all of my appointments from now on. Because as of late, I feel like there might be a lot left inside of me yet to discover.