A New Year and a Resolution to Make No Resolutions

I am not doing this again. It is not happening. I absolutely refuse to make another New Year's resolution. Every fucking year I make these inane pledges to myself and every fucking year I bail on them faster than Eddie Murphy bailed on Scary Spice.

Every January 1, I promise to:
A) Lose 10, 20, 147 pounds, (whatever the magic number is that year.)

B) Land that one BIG job. The be-all end-all buy my parents a house in Florida so I can stop visiting them in New Jersey job.

C) Develop a lasting meaningful relationship with Prince Charming, and begin construction on the nursery wing of the castle.
and

D) Thirty minutes of cardio three times a week.

By President's Day it is likely that the neighbors have found me chest deep in bakery boxes with a complexion whiter than Cindy McCain's vagina. It's not a pretty picture folks. And it's not happening this year.

The solution to my no resolution resolution is this. I am going to completely commit myself to what I do best. I am going to make with the funny. Stand-up, blogging, xtranormal movie making, shouting on the subway, I am going to hit the laugh track on all fronts. There are a few of you out there, most of whom are direct blood relations, but a few of you still who have told me time and time again that you like my stuff and that you want to see more of it. Unfortunately these last couple of years I have been really busy smoking weed, consuming carbohydrates and watching Bravo. The Real Housewives franchise alone has been a major commitment of both time and energy. But I digress.

I am putting down the remote and the rolling papers and I am going to focus on me. Me, me, me. It is after all what we artistic types do best. So stay tuned for more humorous observations and witty anecdotes. 2011 is going to rock!