Long Time No Blog

I don't want to talk about it.
Seriously guys,
I don't EVEN want to talk about it.

Let me just say this. It has NOT been pretty. This month long absence, I'm not going to really get into it. I can't. It's really just too insane, and quite frankly I don't think anyone would believe me if I actually put it into writing. Let me just say that I got hit hard by a really unbalanced person, and it threw my game off big time.

Usually I am better at shielding myself against this kind of spiritual intrusion. I like to think that I am a fairly good judge of character, or at least I thought I was up until quite recently. But someone slipped under my radar, and long story short I ended up trusting a person who I shouldn't have, and paying dearly for it in the end.

It's been a rough month. Hell I don't have to tell you regular readers, it's been a rough year. But I am healing once again. The Spring is here in New York City, and everything looks new and fresh again. And like the blossoms on the trees I feel new life flowing within me, and I am ready once again to begin a new chapter in my life.

I can't even begin to tell you how many blog entries I have started and abandoned over these past few weeks. I think I just needed to spend some time inside of myself if that makes sense. As much as I love blathering on for all of the world to endure on these pages, I think I needed to just shut up for a while.

Shutting up...now there's a tough concept for me to latch on to. I have always been a talker. Words such as "lively", "spirited" and "outgoing" were liberally sprinkled throughout my childhood report cards. These words of course served as extremely polite euphemisms for "hyperactive", "obnoxious" and "annoying". I was one of those kids; bossy, loud, selfish and prone to telling ridiculous lies. I also cursed like a sailor with scurvy. I'm talking from about age eight to pretty much the present day. I still have trouble carrying on a conversation with my parents without the word "fuck" slipping out at one point or another. What can I tell you? I'm from New Jersey.

So being quiet has never been my strong suit. This has of course served me very well in my career. There's not a huge market out there for mute actors. In fact I think Marlee Matlin has booked every single role written for a deaf woman in the past 25 years. Seriously how old is she, like 70? Regardless, talking is my bread and butter. Mercury is my ruling planet according to my horoscope and it is the planet of communication. I am a Gemini and a Virgo ascendant which is also ruled by Mercury, so I am twice ruled by the planet of communication. What does this mean? It means astrology is a load of horse shit. And yet, I still keep on talking.

So this summer I am planning on going on a silent retreat upstate. It is a meditation retreat where you practice the Buddhist contemplative practice of remaining in silence for days so as to still your mind and come into present awareness. It scares the crap out of me. But I am going to give it a shot.

Okay, my show is almost done and my dog is waiting to be rescued from daycare. So I guess that's it for this very exciting post. I will try to liven the next one up a bit for you guys.

Maybe I'll talk about "The Hills", and what a complete and utter douche nozzle that Spencer guy is. Seriously? I really need to not watch MTV ever. It just fills me with sadness and resentment and makes me think terrible thoughts. Like the thought of that Spencer guy getting beaten to death with a bat on Hollywood Boulevard, see I would totally DVR that. (Sigh.) These are the thoughts that MTV puts in my head. I remember when they used to show videos on that there music channel. Yes, I am really THAT old. (Sigh.) And don't get me started on VH1. I mean Brett Michaels? You want to compete to date Brett Michaels? Why not just take a trip to the Port Authority Bus Terminal in a skirt and no panties and cop a squat on all of the benches? Maybe lick the floor at the Au Bon Pain while you're at it.
Oops.
I probably shouldn't wish for someone to be beaten to death on national television, AND talk about Buddhist principals and my new found insights in the same post...
Shit...
I'll work on that for next time.
It's all a work in progress guys.