More Fun with Facebook Dating

Oh how sad and infrequent my blogging has become! I had a request today at the stage door to return to my ranting and raving as soon as I could summon the angst. So here I am dear readers back with yet another installment of the misadventures of my existence.

Let me begin by saying that my experiments in Facebook dating have gone forward and have not all been tragic. I have been burned before my friends. I'm not out there looking for "Mr. Right" or even for "Mr. Right Now". I am just casually seeking new friends, new acquaintances, and new people to buy me dinner. So though I have been dismayed in the past (the man from Qatar who wrote me on a Sunday morning at 11:13 AM to ask if I wanted to "meet on Union Square at noon to have some Sunday bunch" springs to mind) I dove back into the Facebook swamp to see if I could pull a frog prince out from amongst the horny toads.

I went out recently on a date with a guy who I met through some monstrously awful application called "Are you Interested?" So because of this my expectations were pretty low. Incidentally I am being stalked on this same application daily by a man who appears to be some sort of pixelated cowboy, and who is doubtless a serial killer. I'm not kidding. This is his profile picture.




He keeps sending me gifts of cartoon bottles of wine. You ever try to get drunk on cartoon wine? It's almost impossible.

What's that you say readers?
You would like to see some of the other "hotties" who have expressed an interest in little old me? Why sure! Please enjoy this cavalcade of actual photos I have received from suitors the world over!



According to this man's profile he is both married, and a minister.
Soooooo my type.











Trying not to be offended here.













I don't even know what this thing is.





I really wish I were kidding.

So anyway, back to the date with the guy I actually agreed to go out with only after insisting on seeing several different photos from various heights and angles. He works in finance. He has a career where he sits in an office, and wears suits with cuff links and buys and sells and invests in stuff. Hey guys, want to know every single thing that I know about money? It's green. That's it.

On a side note while looking for fun images to spruce up this entry I Googled "men in suits" and guess what came up? PORN! This only confirms my theory that you can Google pretty much anything in the world and still wind up with porn. Seriously, go try it. Google "Creamy Nougat"...BOOM! Picture of naked fat ladies! Why? Google doesn't answer these questions and Google doesn't have to answer these questions. There are some mysteries in this world that we are just not meant to uncover my friends.

Anyway, Mr. Finance and I did have a nice time but there will be no details here kids because I fear that he may read the blog and Lord knows nothing but bad could come of that. Suffice it to say we might see each other again.

So I have been doing some dating, catching up on my reading, hanging out with my dog, and riding my bike in the park. All in all the Spring is treating me rather well. But I mean come on people! Is it possible for it to get any worse after the Winter that I just had? Never mind, I take that back. Let me not tempt fate here. I don't want New York to get washed away in a Tsunami tomorrow just because I said that "it couldn't get any worse." Let's just say everything is exactly how it is supposed to be at this precise moment. Fair? Brilliant, moving on then.

But speaking of New York getting destroyed I am so OVER watching all of these movies where I have to see my hometown get obliterated in this ridiculously expensive CGI style. I don't need this shit Hollywood thank you very much! Those of us who were here for 9/11 don't care to relive it via spider dropping Godzilla monsters or people munching mutant dogs.

This past week I sat through both Cloverfield AND I am Legend and were it not for my career, and my mortal fear of mediocrity I swear to you I would have moved back in with my parents in New Jersey. Nobody ever annihilates Jersey in the movies. I mean seriously what's there to ruin? "Oh my God! They blew up Arby's! NOOOOOOOO!" Not quite the same dramatic impact as seeing the Brooklyn bridge crumble into the Hudson...twice...in two separate movies...in one freaking week! I mean Jesus screenwriters can't you guys conference call each other or something please? The people of New York are tired of being blue screened to bits in all of your sick cinematic terror fantasies. Take out Cleveland for once! At least that one would be a surprise.

Alright that's all I've got for this session. I will be back with more to bitch about soon I am sure. No worries kids. I can always find something to take issue with. Until then...peace!