OMG you guys! The Hills finale totally blew!

Yes that's right. I'm admitting it.
I watch The Hills.
We all have our demons to wrestle with folks.
And watching these vapid, vacant eyed walking trust funds attempt to portray the "reality" of their incredibly dull existences is one of my guiltiest and most shameful pleasures.
This past week was the season finale and man oh man was it so totally worth the wait! I mean absolutely nothing happened, literally nothing! I don't even know how the MTV producers managed to capture "nothing" on video. They're fucking geniuses! Man those night classes at the New York Film Academy really paid off!
What a completely uneventful waste of film this entire series has been. These girls, all a scant five years away from their first botox injection, are so completely and utterly boring that the producers can't even seem to manufacture enough fake drama to make them even slightly interesting.
"OMG you guys! Lo and L.C. are like B.F.F.'s and Audrina is feeling totally on the outs. This is like so completely intense right now! What will happen? OMG!"
That was the big dramatic climax of the finale.
So when Lauren (aka L.C.) went to Audrina's part of the house to confront her about their troubled friendship she knocked on the door and Audrina was...
wait for it...
wait for it...
READING.
Look deep into these eyes kids.
You can almost hear the canaries twittering about in her wee little skull can't you?
This is not a woman who reads.
This is a woman who categorizes Cosmo as literature.
How much "reality" am I supposed to swallow here MTV?
Unless that paperback was from the Gossip Girl series there is no way in hell that book belongs to that bimbo.
Ok, I'm being a little hard on poor Audrina here. Truly she is probably the least offensive element of the entire series. And I am not expecting to watch this show and see actual "reality" on display. I mean calling The Hills a documentary program is like hanging a cross in a strip club and calling it a church. It just doesn't cut it.
But frankly that's what makes this travesty of a program that much more appalling. I mean if there are people scripting this trash, then what genius producer decided that the best way for Heidi to end the season was to blow off her boss, fuck up her career, and reunite with Spencer the world's most malignant scrotum cyst? Is this the example that we are now setting for America's young women MTV?
Call me old fashioned but back when I was a teen society had these quaint little concepts called "dignity" and "self-respect" that it tried to force feed us through health class film strips and feminine hygiene commercials. It was sweet really, and some of it actually seeped into our consciousness.
Now I'm not expecting MTV to do what is right for today's youth. After all it is entertainment not education. BUT COME ON PRODUCERS! You couldn't for the sake of all of the young girls out there have Heidi tell Spencer to go fuck himself, and go back to her job with her head held high? She REALLY needed to give up everything that was important to her for a guy? For a guy who is as big of an ass hat as Spencer at that? Thanks MTV for setting back America's feminist movement a solid thirty years. You guys rock.
And on a related topic, if I have to hear that fucking song "Don't Cha Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me" one more time I swear to you I am going to personally hunt down every single last one of the Pussycat Dolls and titty slap them right across their implants. How about releasing a song called "Don't Cha Wish You Had Enough Dignity and Self-Respect to Not Pursue a Man in a Committed Relationship...Don't Cha?" Ok maybe the hook isn't quite as catchy but I think the message is much more appropriate.
Ok I'm done ranting.
More later.
I am going to go ask Jane Fonda and Gloria Steinem to forgive us our trespasses.
Goddess have mercy on us all!