blogging like nobody's business

Hello loyal readers and welcome back! It is another day here in New York City and things are really starting to look up. For starters it has actually been cold these past couple of days...in February...in New York City...I know, right? Crazy! It even snowed a bit today! Man that Al Gore sure is a big whiny cry-baby huh? I mean polar bears, who needs 'em? What have polar bears ever done for me? Nothing that's what. When was the last time a polar bear offered you a seat on the subway? Never right? I say if they want to live they will adapt just like Darwin said. Go ahead polar bears grow some flippers or something. You can do it! But in all seriousness it is nice to finally not feel like I should be sipping something out of a coconut shell in what is supposed to be the middle of winter. Jack Frost welcome I say!

The other night at the stage door a fan brought me Entenmann's Chocolate Doughnuts. This brings me to an important point that I should have mentioned earlier. Gifts are always welcome and appreciated and will quite likely get you a mention in the BEST BLOG EVER. Just something to keep in mind readers. You should also remember that cash always counts as a gift. Homemade cards are not gifts. They are litter. Please keep this in mind as well.

So the Writer's strike is over and thank you Jebus television and movies are coming back! I don't know about you but this has been a brutal couple of months for me. To not be able to come home and drown my sorrows in a new episode of "The Office" or "30 Rock" just added insult to injury. As a writer, I was of course on the side of my peeps in the Guild, and I was thrilled that the producers were unable to break the union. But holy God that was a long three months!

I actually started watching PBS out of sheer entertainment deprivation. And just so we all know for future reference, there is nothing whatsoever entertaining about PBS. I mean Christ, maybe if they jazzed up some of their existing programs they wouldn't have to beg me for money every month. For the last time I DON'T WANT A TOTE BAG! Oh but it's only a $75 pledge! Well why didn't you say so? Does it advertise the fact that I am a complete loser who sits home alone at night with a bag of mini Twix trying to pick out the fakes on Antique Roadshow? IT DOES!? And all for only $75? Well sign me up PBS! I mean seriously, to the programming executives out there, give Elmo syphilis on a "very special episode" and I guarantee you the viewers will descend on Sesame Street like ticks on a Muppet. Then maybe you can let Ken Burns finally get some sleep.

And on a completely unrelated subject, happy, happy day my Barnes and Noble UPS delivery just arrived! Want to hear what I ordered? Yeah...it's kind of pathetic actually. What's even sadder is that I was too embarrassed to purchase these titles in the store, hence the on-line shipment of shame. I got 1) "How To Mend Your Broken Heart and Overcome Emotional Pain at the End of a Relationship" and 2) How to Heal a Broken Heart in 30 Days a Day by Day Guide to Saying Good-Bye and Getting on With Your Life." So I guess what I am trying to say with these titles is "Party at my Place! Good Times Ahead! Woo Hoo!"

Yeah...did I mention that it has been a rough couple of months? The Self-Help section, Sweet Jebus, no one EVER wants to be caught browsing in the self-help section. Nothing says, "I'm half a box of Mallomars away from taking a bath with a toaster oven," quite like hanging out in the Self-Help section of the bookstore. I mean Dr. Phil titles live there for crying out loud! I mean look, I know I'm not an Olsen twin (although we do have the same birthday, true story), and I don't pretend that there are cameramen stalking me following my every move, but still, I can't be seen anywhere near a Dr. Phil title. My poor parents are still living, and I think I have put them through enough pain without the added shame of their beloved daughter caught in the vicinity of "Love Smart" or "Self Matters" by Dr. Phil McGraw-some.

So dear readers, I am off to dig deep into the depths of these titles. Hopefully I will emerge a better, stronger, more confident woman. Or at least one with twenty-eight fewer dollars to her name and two paperbacks stained with mini Twix prints. Whatevs gang. I will keep you all posted.