My Last Night with my First Baby

This is Betty Lou. This photo was taken the day that my ex-boyfriend and I brought her home. We adopted her from a rescue organization when she was only 12 weeks old. The Ex didn't want her but I talked him into it, and after just a few days we were both head over heels in love. Betty Lou takes up a huge place in my poorly damaged heart. And sadly tonight is the last night that I will get to feel her curled up with me under the covers while we both sleep.


She is leaving tomorrow to go live with the Ex and his new "girl" friend. My heart is broken, smashed, shattered. I can't even think about tomorrow without bursting into tears. But I work on Broadway. The Ex has a 9 to 5. He has all weekend to play with her and let her run in the park. And he truly adores her. He loves her more than anyone else in the world. And even after all of the pain that he has caused he, I could never keep them apart. I know he will take wonderful care of her. And he has promised me that I can see her whenever I want. But it's not the same, you know? She is going to live somewhere else, with a new "woman" and I won't have her around to lick my tears when I cry or to keep my feet warm at night. Boy this year just keeps on getting better and better! And that friends is once again why I have decided to start it all over.
Look at that face! She is so precious to me. This has to be one of the hardest aspects of break-ups. When you live together in New York it's like you are married, you know? You share everything, the rent, the bills, the groceries, and of course the dogs. We have two dogs and I never ever thought that I would see the day when we would have to separate them. Truly, naively in retrospect I suppose, I never thought that he and me would part. You have to understand folks that I had every intention of marrying this man. We were discussing engagement rings on January 1. We talked about kids just a few days later. And then just a few days after that the bottom fell out on me. My whole future, my whole world, gone. Never saw it coming kids, but there it is.
So sadly I must say goodbye to my girl as well as my boyfriend this year. The three of us did have many wonderful times together, and I will treasure those memories forever. Trips to the mountains where Betty would haul logs up the side of the hill all afternoon, and then curl up next to us by the fireplace at night. She loves to swim and we would take her to the dog beach in Prospect Park and watch her do laps with branches in her mouth, swallowing giant gulps of lake water all the way through. Betty Lou is very special to me, my first baby really. And I can't lie folks, it kills me that she is going to go live with a "woman" that I don't even know.
Still...I know that Betty Lou knows who her Mommy is and she is not going to be replaced by this other person no matter how many liver treats she slips her. I know that my Betty Lou loves me to pieces. And I also know that life without her Dad has been really hard on her. So this is for the best I suppose. Hopefully she will eventually adjust to her new home, and be able to come and visit me and her buddy Jasper in a few weeks time when I think I can handle it. Until then I will hold my Jasper at night and try really, really hard to keep it together. Pray for me guys. I need your support. Thanks for all of the love. And thank you Betty Lou for being my one and only first baby girl. Mommy loves you...always. Mommy will love you...always.